Artist: Karl Pavlovich Bryullov
I have long admired the work of Anthony de Mello, the Jesuit priest, retreat conductor, psychotherapist, who died in 1987. Today I have been spending reflective time in his little book The Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony de Mello. Here's something toward the end that is very powerful and worthy of much thought:
Holiness is not an achievement, it is a Grace. A grace called Awareness, a Grace called Looking, Observing, Understanding. if you would only switch on the light of awareness and observe yourself and everything around you throughout the day, if you would see yourself reflected in the mirror of awareness the way you see your face reflected in a looking glass, that is, accurately, clearly, exactly as it is without the slightest distortion or addition, and if you observed this reflection without any judgments or condemnation, you would observe all sorts of marvelous changes coming about in you. Only you will not be in control of these changes, or be able to plan them in advance, or decide how and when they are to take place. It is this nonjudgmental awareness along that heals and changes and makes one grow. But in its own way and in its own time.~~~
Yes, and it's a grace we should not pursue since it then tends to be a source of pride...sadly.
ReplyDeleteBut don't you think that if we are being fully aware, we would NOTICE that pride is showing its' face and then we could work with it in the same way we work with all our "stuff" that shows up...isn't that what spiritual practice is all about?
ReplyDeleteannie c
Yes, I do think that, Annie. Still, I think I have a sense of what Ciss is suggesting here. Spiritual pride is insidious and it can be very difficult to spot in ourselves.
ReplyDeletePeople in high places in churches can get often a bad case of that type of pride.
DeleteSo what is the difference then, in noticing and feeling happy when, for instance I don't get angry over something that, two years ago I would have. In other words, it seems to me to be ok to notice that we are changing, without necessarily feeling prideful about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I do admit to feeling prideful somewhat, when fundamentalist types say and do things that I judge as being negligently, sometimes criminally ignorant (e.g. James Inhoff) and provacatively devisive. How do you NOT do that?
I am a fan of Bill Mahr, but I think he goes too far sometimes as well and creates a backlash of devisiveness on the other end...but I do not judge him as harshly, though I do judge him. At times it seems we have completely lost all civility. The political world has us all in a spin all the time...it is too crazy.
Forgive my rambling; I can't help but notice that my most severe judgments come out around these kinds of topics. They make me want to kick some ass!
annie c
I've thought long and hard about this posting. First I agree wholeheartedly with his statement, "Holiness is not an achievement, it is a Grace." However, I don't agree with his statement, "A grace called Awareness, a Grace called Looking, Observing, Understanding." Observing, looking, understanding, and being aware are the things we learn to do in order for all of the rest of the things Fr. de Mello talks about to occur. Not grace though--grace is a gift from God, Goddess, the Universe, whatever one believes in. There is no pride in pursuing grace because it can't be pursued; it would be like pursuing the wind. Grace is the gift we are given and it is so very hard to describe and maybe that is where the awareness comes in because it can be so easy to walk right by a moment of grace without ever seeing it. Grace for me was knowing I had a special place in in the universe despite what the rest of the world might be saying. It might be something totally different for someone else. That moment of grace may start the looking, observing, understanding, and being aware but it shouldn't be confused with those things; it is so, so much more.
ReplyDeleteI hope this has made sense.
Carolyn L.
Wow. This has turned out to be quite an interesting thread. It's given me a lot to think about. I believe everyone has made some really good points here and I'll say more later.
ReplyDeleteI have a class coming up very soon so I'm a bit pressed for time at the moment. But I wanted to respond here briefly and say that I really appreciate the comments and that I plan to say a bit more in due course.
I will say for the moment that I think we're probably dealing with a bona fide paradox.
There is no pride in pursuing grace because it can't be pursued; it would be like pursuing the wind.” Actually, when I read that comment by Carolyn L., a little thrill ran through me. It is perhaps one interpretation of a repeating dream throughout my life. The dream is that I can fly – until I look at myself flying, until I start trying to fly. The moment I look at myself flying, or try to fly, I lose the ability and drift back to the ground, unable to fly any longer. That is a useful insight about grace Carolyn. But, to respond to Ellie’s comment, “We’re dealing with a bona fide paradox,” there is a dark side to my dream as well. The dark side, and the ‘paradox’ for me, is that my inner pride has always stood in the way of “flying” when I really should be able to “fly on command.” I was never able to be a soloist because, for me, to sing a solo was to fly. And, in the middle of the solo, I would take pride in my solo and no longer be able to fly. I’ve long known that about myself. But I’ve never been able to find the grace to overcome it. And, when I became aware of it, I stopped trying to sing solos. But it was like giving up joy.
ReplyDeleteYes, I also like Carolyn's image of "pursuing the wind".
ReplyDeleteThat's very illuminating about your difficulty with solos, Tom. Of course, I'm sorry you stopped trying. At the same time, I can see why that was your decision. This is one more illustration of the limits of insight. Not to disparage insight, mind you! We need it and I think there are some changes, adjustments, etc. that can not possibly be made without insight. It's just that insight is not the whole package.
Hmmm. Not sure what you mean when you say this is an illustration of the limits of insight. If you're speaking of my 'insight' into why I become overly nervous when I sing a solo - which is actually even more complex than I stated - I would rather know why than not. Lots of people have performance anxiety. For some, knowing the 'why' may help to overcome it. For me, knowing the 'why' helps me to accept the reality that though it is handicap that keeps me from soaring it doesn't keep me from singing.
ReplyDeleteHi, Tom.
ReplyDeleteI think it's obviously a very important insight and I DO think insight is important. I also really agree that it's better to know than not to know. All I meant was that sometimes insight doesn't fix things. (Although it WILL help us make peace with things as you've pointed out.)
And I know what you mean: MOST people have performance anxiety. Ha! Don't I get it. (It's odd - sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.)
I never knew the "sometimes I don't part" : ( But I'm glad you have.
ReplyDeleteTom, when I read your post on March 24 it made me think of the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach. It is so okay to fly, to sing, to do whatever makes your soul soar and be proud. Shame, shame, shame on the person, religious institution, group, or society who teaches our children that it is wrong to be proud of their accomplishments. No, they shouldn't be arrogant, egotistical, or think they have reached perfection, but their is nothing wrong when someone has worked hard to feel that moment of joy when everything comes together. I am so sorry your singing was taken from you. I wish you could find a way to give yourself permission to give that joy back to yourself in some fashion.
ReplyDeleteCarolyn L.